Crucio
by PadfootIsMyHomeDawg
Summary: It was easy for Harry to crucio the Death Eater for spitting on McGonagall in DH, but he hadn't been able to do that two years previous when his godfather was killed. Why is that? What changed Harry in those two years that he did it with ease then? Dark, angsty - R&R!


**So it always bothered me that in OotP Harry couldn't crucio Bellatrix after she ****_killed his godfather_****, but it was easy when the Death Eater spat on McGonagell in DH, so I was thinking of what made it possible for him to be able to crucio the Death Eater later, and this is what I came up with…**

* * *

Harry sighed and cracked his neck from side to side, wriggling his arms as though to psyche himself up to what he was about to do. He pointed his wand at the spider, hand quivering slightly as Bellatrix Lestrange's words echoed in his head.

_"You have to __**mean **__it, Harry!"_

He let out a growl of frustration. He _had _meant for her to hurt, he was sure of it. She'd fucking killed his godfather – he had _not _wanted to let her off easy. He wanted her to feel pain, to feel a fraction of the pain that he himself had been going through for almost a year and a half now.

It was nighttime, and Hermione was probably sleeping in the tent. He sat against the tree, presumably keeping guard, but as there was no one around, he supposed he should do something and decided to practice his wand work.

He tried again to steady his hand, the one holding the wand pointed at the spider lazily spinning in its web above him.

_Come on, _he thought to himself. _It's just a fucking spider. I can kill it when I'm through and it won't be in misery any longer. Okay…you can do this…_

Harry took a deep, calming breath – not that it really did much – and uttered a single word.

"_Crucio_."

The red light left the end of his wand, hitting the spider.

Nothing.

The spider continued its calm spinning, not writhing like how the spider had in his fourth year under Moody's wand. Or, Crouch's. Whatever. He knew that he was doing something wrong – and not the whole wanting-the-victim-to-feel-pain thing that Bellatrix had shouted to him what felt like so long ago. Because he _did _want this spell to work, to prove that he could do it. He'd been under the same curse before so he wouldn't wish it on a poor, defenseless spider, but it was a lot better than going up to Hermione and saying, "Hey, I need to practice the Unforgiveables. Do you mind if I use you as my target for the Cruciatus?"

No. That would be horrible, and he didn't want a friend in excruciating pain. Plus, Hermione would have his balls if she found out he was even practicing it on the arachnid, let alone considering it done on a human. Not that he _was _considering it.

He sighed and shook his arm again, pointing at the spider again. "_Crucio_."

It still didn't work. The red light left the wand, hitting the spider, and he got no reaction at all. Harry was growing increasingly frustrated and annoyed. "_Crucio_." Nothing. He tried saying it with more conviction. "_Crucio_." Still nothing. "_Crucio_!"

He stood up, kicking the tree trunk in frustration. Why couldn't the stupid spider just _feel_ it? Why did it have to be so difficult? It _had _to feel it – it _had _to work. He was in war, after all, and anything could help. Whether or not he ever actually ended up using the curse was a different matter entirely. But he _needed _to get this done. He _needed _this spider to be tortured.

With these thoughts in mind, he whirled and pointed the wand at the spider, yet again. "_Crucio!_"

The red light left the wand again, hit the spider…and it began to writhe. It curled its legs in on itself, a strange, quiet keening noise coming from the arachnid as it tried to rid itself of the mindless pain. Harry held the wand for a moment, making sure it held, before lifting the wand away. It had worked.

He uttered a different spell this time as he pointed his wand at the spider. "_Incendio_." The spider was quickly swallowed in the flames, reducing the bug to ash that fell on the cold ground below the web.

"Harry?"

Harry turned at the sound of Hermione's voice at the door of the tent, shoving his wand in his pocket as he did so.

"Yes, Hermione?" he asked, hoping that nothing in his voice or in his expression hinted at what he'd been doing.

"I thought I heard something," she said with a concerned look. "Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine, Hermione," Harry assured her, resisting the urge to look at the now empty web. "I've still got a couple more hours watch – you should get some more sleep."

Hermione nodded in agreement, giving him one last concerned look before disappearing back inside the tent.

Harry let out a simultaneously relieved and guilty sigh, sinking down to sit at the base of the tree again. He looked up at the web and then over to another web in the tree beside it. Another spider spun a web, unaware of the practicing wizard just a few feet away.

_I should get used to this, _Harry thought a bit guiltily, raising his wand at the new spider. _It's like homework – keep doing it until you get it right one hundred percent of the time._

With this thought in mind, he quietly whispered the curse.

"_Crucio_."

* * *

**Wow. That was a lot darker than I had originally planned it, but I suppose it works. I don't think there was a whole lot of protest from fans with this issue, but it was just something that had always bugged me, and if he's able to crucio the spider for "homework", as he calls it, I imagine it would be easier to crucio the other dude for simply spitting on McGonagall. Don't get me wrong, I hate the guy for that, but I didn't think he really deserved the Cruciatus curse, just for ****_that_****. Maybe Harry did it for other reasons combined with it as well, but it never went into that in the book anyway, so who knows?**

**Anyway, I'm babbling now. Please review and let me know what you guys thought of it, too!**


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